Friendly banter and gossip are worlds apart. But how do you tell the difference? Here are some definitions and descriptions that can help you make the distinction:
Discussion: A friendly chat about others keeps the references to other people general, friendly and supportive. The speaker is not obsessed with picking holes in another person's character but is merely imparting information about what another person or people have done in a matter-of-fact way, to further an objective conversation and to enlighten the listener about relevant information;
Gossip: Gossip tends to be talk that gains attention for the speaker. The speaker often adopts a confidential tone and uses information about somebody else to become the center of attention. They will typically impart the details in a way that tries to undermine the credibility or likability of another person. The details may be given with moralizing undertones and character assassination may be the top of the gossip's agenda. The audience is usually told more personal details than one cares to know about. The motivations behind gossip include attention-seeking, self-inflation, exaggeration and a me-versus-them mentality.
Grapevine Gossip: This gossip was started by one person and now it is running about like wildfire. Usually, this happens in an uncertain environment and is fueled by fear, poor communication and wild guesses by others. It is less personal than gossip attacking another person but is equally damaging and demoralizing.
When you are faced with gossip, consider the following:
Don't take work gossip to heart. A lot of work gossip is simply idle chatter. It is filled with innuendo, rumors, errors and sometimes deliberately malicious nonsense. Take it with a pinch of salt rather than reacting personally or defensively. There is no doubt that gossip must be dealt with strongly and immediately but it will not help your situation if you take it personally. Focus instead on the reality that there is an underlying reason or series of reasons causing the gossip and focus on dealing with it objectively as a task rather than as a personal attack to be foiled in an emotional or angry manner.
Arm yourself with the facts. Sometimes there is a kernel of truth and this should be uncovered before addressing the problem so that you are well-placed to respond with facts rather than emotions. This is especially important where wild ideas take root quickly and spread even faster. Look for factual answers by asking questions of the right people, namely, those who are in a position to give definitive and accurate answers. You may also need to seek additional facts from trustworthy sources.
Challenge a gossiper directly. Some people gossip because they enjoy it, or they feel insecure about others. Most gossipers are pure attention-seekers. A persistent and long-term gossiper must be stopped in their tracks by calling their bluff. View such people as attention-seekers and have a conversation with them.
Don't participate in gossip. If you participate in gossip, you perpetuate it and you belittle yourself. Always ask yourself about your motivation when discussing others in a personal way within the work context; if you are talking about them to ingratiate yourself with others or to make yourself appear better than it is likely that you are gossiping.
